Women's Confrence Thoughts

     Sitting with my sisters and my mother, among strangers, wishing there was more love between us as a family, I resolved to serve them more.  Then our Relief Society leaders confirmed my resolve.  They spoke of faith, hope, and charity and how charity is the most important.   Charity is serving.  I asked myself why I wasn't serving more in callings.  It is because I have had many moments in my life where I doubted myself and the Lord.  I did not have faith and hope when I should have.  Instead of standing against the evil one and saying, "I can do this!",  I believed when he said, "It's too hard, give up." I percieve that most of the world is making the same mistakes, for everywhere I go, there are sad faces and a sad feeling in the air.  People, the secret to happiness is faith, hope, and charity! If I had done this earlier in my life, we would have never moved from our first home.  We would have become a strenth to that ward.  The ward that had no one as weak as I(I felt like a nobody), where all were strong and had already served as R.S. Presidents and Bishops. We would have had financial blessings as well, such as our house paid off. 
    We don't need to wait for a calling to serve people! (The golden ticket that Pres. Uckdorf talked about).   I could have done so much more for those I visit taught, for my siblings, for my parents, for my children.  Actually, it IS our calling to serve our families and those we visit teach. My lack of faith and hope have stoped me from serving/having charity.  The most joy and happiness that I have ever had in my life was when I was serving others as an Institute Choir President, when I was single.  I have felt down ever since just because I haven't been called to anything 'wonderful'. Except the year I was the Primary Chorister.  I was happy that year too, because I was bearing my testimony to children and making a difference in their lives.
       During the Women's Confrence, the Spirit of God helped me to see the things that I can start doing to repent and begin to be happy.  I could play with Brigham who will be 3 in 5 days and Jaynie will be 4 in October, more during school. I need to have more fun one on one time with my older kids after school  and more often.   I could watch my sibling's children a few hours a week to give them a break and us a joy.    My preschoolers would love to have cousin friends come over and play with them.  They would also love to have the experience of a baby at our house a couple hours a week.  I would enjoy it, for I yearn for a baby and Curtis says no more.  I could lend parenting books to those I visit teach.  One of them would love to paint her house but is scared she'll mess it up.  I could help her.  I've painted so many houses and learned so many tricks.  I could bring Irisisis to grandma and help her plant them.  I could help my parents organize and unpack their house.  I could clean my sisters' houses.  Bethany's because the mess depresses and overwhelms her, and Sarah's so that I can spend time with her and catch up with her.   
     Charity is serving.  Happiness is serving.  I have much happiness ahead of me!  I will be a forget-me-not, like Pres. Uckdorf talked about.  I won't be a vibrant tulip shining in a great calling, but I will still be beautiful.  And with these deeds and attitude, it will not be long before I will be called to some "great calling".  Happiness and love lead to more happiness and love.  The opposite is also true. Most of the world is caught in a downward spiral, such as the one I experienced.   Especially my siblings who  struggle with low self esteem.  This is the way out! Read it again and again! I love you and want your pain to stop and your happiness to begin!